Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
