my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
