I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
