Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
