You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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