I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
