Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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