YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
