I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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