What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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