i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
