The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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