Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
