You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We won't sleep together?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
