I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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