oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
