Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You left your underwear on the fireplace
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize