You're earring is so big in my mouth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
