so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize