Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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