Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
