your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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