hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
