yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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