Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
