Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
