I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
