She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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