I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
