..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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