He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
