I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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