Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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