hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
