Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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