Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
