i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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