So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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