Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.