I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
