I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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