a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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