I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.