You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.