Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.