: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
