the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
