I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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