I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
