some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
