I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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