he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize