Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
