I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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