Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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