Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
