Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
