Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
