does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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