Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
