No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
