Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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