her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
