so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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