Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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