Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
