She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
