my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
