Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
